“A brave and beautifully written account of an experience usually shrouded in silence. This is such an intelligent and honest book.”
– Amelia Gentleman, The Guardian
When Juliet Rosenfeld's husband dies of lung cancer only seven months into their marriage,
everything she has learnt about death as a psychotherapist is turned on its head.
As she attempts to navigate her way through her own devastating experience of loss, Rosenfeld turns to her battered copy of Freud's seminal essay 'Mourning and Melancholia'. Inspired by the distinction Freud draws between the savage trauma of loss that occurs at the moment of death – grief – and the longer, unpredictable evolution of that loss into something that we call mourning, Rosenfeld finds herself dramatically rethinking the commonly held therapeutic idea of 'working through stages of grief'.
This is a beautifully written meditation on what the investment of love means and how to find your own path after bereavement in order for life to continue.
Available in hardback from Waterstones or via local, independent booksellers at bookshop.org. Buy the audiobook on Audible here.
Reviews for
The State of Disbelief
“In this brilliant and deeply moving memoir, Juliet Rosenfeld turns to the writing of Sigmund Freud to help her find her way after unfathomable loss. The State of Disbelief is a beautifully crafted book of extraordinary power: about grief, mourning, and how we can all live more fully every day.”
– Will Schwalbe,
New York Times bestselling author of
The End of Your Life Book Club
"Juliet Rosenfeld's tender, wise and lyrical book performs the most imperative and humane function for the reader: it lends them a sense that, for all the pain and confusion of bereavement, some sense of reconciliation and containment will one day be possible, that life will go on alongside death, as the dead would surely always wish for us."
– Alain de Botton
“I couldn't put it down, would highly recommend.”
– Independent
“A breath-taking piece of work: tragic, terrifying and gripping as any novel, but ultimately, thanks to Rosenfeld's clear-eyed psychoanalytical honesty, also deeply consoling. I don't think writers - or human beings - can share their experience more movingly and generously than this.”
– Julie Myerson
“I relate deeply to Juliet Rosenfeld’s poignant account of the loss of her beloved. Death, while it awaits us all, remains the last taboo. I applaud Juliet’s ability to fearlessly examine spousal loss and provide a roadmap for others who one day, hope to navigate it with courage and grace.”
– Katie Couric
“Love is a strange word to use about
a book on bereavement, but the unflinching honesty of The State of Disbelief shines a light on the parts of life most of us would rather not - dying, bereavement and survival - and you feel stronger for reading it.”
– The Telegraph
“A masterpiece... bold and accessible.”
– Professor Brett Kahr, Psychotherapist, Senior Fellow at Tavistock Institute
“For anyone who has faced loss, this book is essential reading”
– Baroness Julia Neuberger
“Rarely has the physical nature of memory of the dead been so well written about.”
– The Oldie
Published reviews
Londongrip.co.uk the international online cultural magazine. Review by Barbara Lewis, April 2020. Read here.
Confer Brett Kahr’s Top Ten Books of 2020. Read here.
Wpf Therapy Book of the month – July 2020. Read here.
TLS Grief to mourning: Coming to terms with mortality by Beth Guilding, April 2020. Read here.
The Jewish Chronicle Book review: The State of Disbelief by Sipora Levy, April 2020. Read here.